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The Results Are in and, Guess What? Kids Want Us to Be Kind

Kids collecting toys to donate to a children’s hospital.

There has never been a more important time to raise kind, caring, and empathetic kids. It’s World Kindness Day today and a perfect occasion to join the Play It Forward Project, the Soccer Sisters social media campaign we launched this year.

The movement’s mission is to share acts of kindness with one another and help inspire others to do the same. Whether it be as simple as staying inside for recess when your buddy breaks his arm, or as grand as collecting toys for sick kids, there are countless ways we can make our communities better by encouraging kids and adults alike to embrace kindness.

Soon after we launched the campaign, my own kids inspired my family to have a regular “kindness check-in” at dinner, something I wrote about in the Washington Post. I was thrilled when the folks at Highlights Magazine reached out recently to tell me they had seen the article and wanted to share their latest issue with me, “The State of Kindness According to Kids.”

Image: State of the Kid logoOne of my favorite lines from their survey is, “We want to help kids understand that thinking about the common good gives us the power to change the world for the better.” In addition, the survey discusses what children want to see in adults – namely more kindness – so no more giving the finger at red lights, people! It also discusses ways in which kindness can be taught: through conversation, leading by example, and honoring noble qualities at home.

I remember Highlights as the magazine for its “Hidden Pictures,” and I loved to see if I could find them all. It’s clear that there is much more to find in this issue so I hope you’ll take a look and share it with your friends and family.

Filed Under: Blog, Uncategorized

“I Want Them to Be Strong”: Brandi Chastain on U.S. Soccer Girls’ Development Academy

The U.S. Soccer Federation launched the U.S. Soccer Girls’ Development Academy last week — 10 years after launching the same program for boys’ youth soccer — and our very own Soccer Sister Brandi Chastain is set to make sure its girls are taking home the right message.

As executive director for the California Thorns FC (Santa Clara, California), Chastain is also taking on the role of head coach for the U-14 team, one of four age groups in the new academy (U-14, U-15, U-16/17 and U-18/19), which will make up 69 clubs with more than 6,000 members. Chastain is determined to focus on all-around development of her players — not just as athletes but of kids playing the game they love.

She recently chatted with Julie Foudy, former U.S. National Team captain and Olympic/World Cup champ, about her role and her philosophy. Read on for the full interview. Enjoy!

(This interview was first published on ESPN.com. Click here to read the original post.)

Julie Foudy: What made you want to get involved with the development academy?

Brandi Chastain: I didn’t particularly like the way our local club was functioning. Players were like tokens. You could change these tokens for those tokens. I always felt that players were moved around too much. There was no synergy and loyalty to one team. This was with boys and girls. I saw friends of mine who had kids playing deal with it; their kids wouldn’t know until the last minute if they were playing on a team that day. There was no chemistry. It was not the youth sporting environment I grew up in, when parents all knew each other, there was a camaraderie and players hung out together with teammates.

Brandi Chastain celebrates by taking off her jersey after kicking in the game-winning penalty shootout goal against China in the Women’s World Cup Final in 1999.

Youth sports should be about enjoyment. The learning comes because they want to be there. They enjoy process, teammates. Good stuff happens. You must enjoy it to learn. I was seeing less and less enjoyment, seeing kids stressed out and playing on two-three different teams and guest playing on a bunch of teams. I was seeing kids who come to every practice every day not playing because guest players step in. I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel right.

I knew I wanted to do more coaching and have aspirations to coach at a higher level. I wanted to be in an environment where I am coaching through an entire season and dealing with all that comes in a season. The girls’ side of our local club was breaking off from the main club. The development academy was about to be formed. And Jeff Baicher, the director of coaching who has three daughters and a son, recognized that the girls need something different than the boys — not a different kind of soccer, but something else that connects them to the game, besides just the physical side and competition.

He asked if I could help him do this, and it was my chance to try and help start something and focus on developing players to see themselves as whole people, not just soccer players. Now that I’ve been away from the game I realized I learned so many things in soccer — being injured, cut or not making a team — that helped me get through tough moments in life. And I’ve used my teammates and players around me as barometers. Is this what Mia [Hamm] would do? Is this what Tisha [Hoch, née Venturini] or Millie [Tiffeny Milbrett] would do? You all helped me make decisions. What we learn from our teammates are as valuable as having a coach teaching you to pass the ball properly or trap a ball properly.

The other big thing for me is the girls’ lack of willingness to use their voice to command and demand and instruct. They are great with chitchat during warm-up, but when asked to instruct others, they are silent. I want to teach them that our voices matter. If we have information and we have knowledge and don’t say anything, you are as culpable as the person making the mistake.

Foudy: What’s the philosophy behind the club?

Chastain: Creating an environment that supports proactive, fearless decision-makers under pressure — and a commitment to those moments, right or wrong — and a lack of worry in those moments. For young girls to feel like they can be decision-makers. I want them to be able to see the game in a way that is like chess, three or four steps ahead. I want girls to give themselves credit when things are good and be OK when they’re not good. To say, I can do better. To hold each other accountable in those moments and not fear an emotional bruising if someone says something uncomfortable that we don’t like. And when you do something good, own it. Have a big smile. I want others to own it as well, to recognize it, call it out, put a high five to it, because it FEELS GOOD. I want there to be moments when you make eye contact and recognize great moments together. It’s uplifting. It’s that spiritual moment that sports provide. Girls need to embrace those moments.

Foudy: How can this development academy help girls?

Brandi Chastain showing off some fancy footwork at a Soccer Sisters event at NYCFC.

Chastain: Girls deserve this attention, but there’s still a lot we need to learn to see if it’s set up in a way that is beneficial to both the players and U.S. Soccer. And there certainly are some really neat perks that U.S. Soccer has given us. We got to go watch the U.S. women’s national team train in San Diego in July. We also got to see two [Tournament of Nations] games. We got to see it up close. I am certain that has changed these players. That connection is overwhelmingly positive. U.S. Soccer has embraced that impact and helped facilitate it.

Foudy: At the end of the day, what do you want the girls to learn from your academy?

Chastain: I want them to be strong. I want them to have a confident voice. I want them to feel they can tackle hard challenges, and although they may be nervous, that they can go forward and achieve — whether that is on the soccer field or off. I want them to know that teams function together. They help each other. The players can influence their communities as well. We are a very diverse group of players and people. That also helps us learn more about tolerance and acceptance, and makes us more comfortable with each other. Soccer is the conduit for all these lessons. My goal and my mandate to myself and other coaches is our players must improve. They cannot stay the same. That is our responsibility as coaches, without fail.

I gave the players notebooks yesterday. We have been doing goal setting on a weekly basis. I have them write down what they hope to gain out of a practice and how they can implement that in a game so they can monitor their own progress. And take some ownership in their development, instead of just a coach just saying this is what you need to do.

Foudy: Where do you fall on the high school playing limitation?

Chastain: I hope they look at it again and provide some flexibility. Maybe the rule is too stringent. I coach high school boys’ varsity soccer and I see it is a different environment. Some of the players may not be the leaders on their club team, but they are in high school. They have to take on new roles. They get to listen to a new voice. It is a valuable experience. There are lots of young memories. To be amongst your peers and wear the school letter has a wonderful social element as well. Some people say the level of soccer is not good enough, but there are a lot of positives. How do you go from being a role player to THE player in high school? That’s an important experience. But yes, we also have to acknowledge there are some kids who just don’t want to play high school soccer for many reasons — the team is not good, the field is not good — and that is understandable.

Soccer Sisters author Andrea Montalbano.

Foudy: Tobin Heath, Lori Lindsey, Justi Baumgardt and Jen Lalor are also all involved, as are nine female technical advisors supporting the 69 club teams. How important is it to get more women involved in the development academy and coaching in general?

Chastain: It is important for women to see that it is a viable place to work and you can do this work. It is so important for young girls to see women doing these jobs. But I also want the best person possible to do it. That is genderless for me. As my friend Andrea Montalbano has said: “Women who have had experience playing in college or at a high level, and don’t step up to coach, are missing an opportunity to be a positive influencer … they are missing that moment to give young girls the courage and example to do these roles.” Andrea has given a wonderful call to action to women by saying, yes, yes you can. Coaching can be for you, mom, not just for dad.

RELATED: “A Plea to Daughters of Title IX: Why Don’t More Women Coach?”

Filed Under: Blog, Press Box, Uncategorized

School Library Journal Reviews ‘Soccer Sisters: Out of Bounds’

Image: School Library Journal logo
The massive book reviewer School Library Journal has just published their review of Out of Bounds! We’re happy to be able to run Jessica Bushore’s full piece right here on SoccerSisters.com. Enjoy!

MONTALBANO, Andrea. Out of Bounds. 176p. (Soccer Sisters: Bk. 1). glossary. Sourcebooks/Jabberwocky. Apr. 2017. pap. $7.99. ISBN 9781492644811.

Image: Out of Bounds coverGr 3-6 – An empowering first entry in a female-centric soccer series focusing on putting personal values before fitting in with the cool kids.

Makena (Mac) Walsh defines herself through soccer, particularly her close bond to her “soccer sisters” on her team. Her teammate Chloe leaves the league for ballet summer camp, and Skylar joins the team as her replacement. Skylar is the embodiment of cool, with her spiky, multicolored hair and temporary tattoos. Mac quickly falls under her spell, both on and off the field. But Skylar isn’t just a risk taker; she’ll do anything to win or get her way. Mac quickly realizes the thrill of excitement is too close to the fear of discovery. When high jinks escalate to lying to her family and friends, Mac must choose between Skylar’s friendship and her soccer sisters. With a professional soccer background, Montalbano grounds the story with details and writes fast action scenes.

The book targets soccer players specifically, but sports lovers of all kinds will be able to orient themselves using the handy glossary of terms. Characters are likable and well developed, with particular resonance for female readers. The length and simplicity make this selection ideal for reluctant readers.

VERDICT: A general purchase for its exploration into an underdeveloped genre, and a solid recommendation to soccer fans and sporty kids. – Jessica Bushore, Xenia, OH

Filed Under: Blog, Press Box, Uncategorized

What These Car Rides Are Really All About

Note: This story originally appeared on Dinner: A Love Story.

My kids know how to get me. “Mom, watch this!”

Without fail it’s a surprise military reunion. The mom or the dad comes home to some sporting event or classroom. My own kids stare at me, and like clockwork, I am reduced to a puddle of parental goo. They think it’s some kind of hysterical social experiment that by the way, works on me. Every. Single. Time.

What they don’t know is that there is another kind of post that hits me even harder: those darn memes and posts that say, “One day you won’t have anyone to drive to practice.”

That is a low blow, social media. Low blow.

As much as I groan about carpool, or having to sit in a cold gym all winter, I know I am not alone in treasuring the silly, but often serious conversations with my kids that come after games and practices on the drive home.

I try not to delve too deeply – particularly after a game – and I know I’m only supposed to say some version of I love to watch you play. But, I guess I’m just not very good at that. We talk about it all. How was the game? What did you guys work on today? Did I see how the referee was totally helping the other team?? Mom, did you see me take that kid out? (Yes, I did and don’t do that).

Pretty quickly, issues come up. For example, this week for my daughter it was, Why do I have to play in this position? Lily is 13 now, and for the first time ever, I am not her coach. So I told her this is something she needs to handle on her own. Talk to her new coach. Use her voice. I also advised her to give it a try and to keep an open mind.

I view these conversations as parental gold. While on the surface, they are about a team or her position, we are really talking about learning patience, confidence and perseverance. They are not insignificant moments no matter where they happen. I get it. I won’t be driving her to soccer practice much longer = she’s growing up and the days of me having the chance to shape who she becomes are coming to an end.

Ouch.

When we sign up our kids for soccer or whatever sport they try as littles, I think most of us do it because we want them to have fun, make friends, and hopefully become good people.

But very shortly afterwards, it can often become a very different game – hypercompetitive, professionalized and, over-structured.

As an advocate and author, my mind spends a lot of time in this space. There have been many moments where I am simultaneously preaching the benefits of sports and fighting for girls to even get the chance to play, while at the same time feeling personally frustrated and bombarded by the politics, anxiety, and nonsense that seems to infect much of our organized youth sports.

My son William, 10, and his friend decided to pick up all the bottles left strewn about the gym after practice. #playingitforwardproject #soccersisters

I am also fully aware that I now have a daughter at the exact age where many girls drop organized sports altogether because it all gets too crazy.

In spite of this, I still believe the core values of sportsmanship prevail, and this is where the focus should remain. Not only are sports the vehicle for facing challenges and life lessons, they are also providing a platform for us to talk about the values they promote, no matter where you have the conversation – in the car on the way to and from practice, at the dinner table, on a walk.

Recently, we’ve begun to discuss and act on these values and inject them into our daily lives through acts of kindness, whether or not it has anything to do with their teams. For me, it’s almost better when it doesn’t because then I know they are getting it in a broader sense. My son William is 10. After one of our conversations, he decided it bothered him to see water bottles strewn all over the place after practice. So he’s picking them up. Lily was able to dig deeper at 13: After a storm, she was recently inspired to dig out the elderly neighbor who lives across the street. We also discussed Lily’s teammate, who thought to add a new girl to the team’s group chat on the girl’s first day of practice.

What’s clear to me is that these kids are not benefitting and learning from sports for some hypothetical future. They are doing it now and this is where I choose to focus. It’s become a thing. What can we do today to be kind? To Play it Forward?

I mean, isn’t that what all this driving around is really all about?

Filed Under: Blog, Uncategorized

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