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Coach Andy: What about the off-season?

What do I do?

My daughter’s primary sport is soccer and she’s obsessed – but she loves karate, too. Every winter I can see her balk: Is it OK for me to hang up my cleats for a a couple months of working toward that black belt? Can she really afford to take a break from soccer and remain as competitive as she wants to be?

Image: Lily with two soccer teammates
My daughter Lily (right) smiling with two girls on her soccer team — one is on her basketball team and the other is on her rival’s team. On the soccer field they all play together.

Coach Andy says:

My answer is a resounding yes. I’ll use my own 11-year-old daughter Lily as an example. Lily’s first love is soccer (surprise, surprise) and she plays on a competitive team during the fall and spring seasons.

But she also plays basketball and squash, not to mention loves to snow ski during the winter, and I could not support her breaks during the off-season more enthusiastically. In some ways it keeps her even better focused on soccer, not to mention in great shape. Here are a few reasons why exposure to other sports is so smart.

  1. Staying healthy. There is no question that kids who play competitive sports can put a lot of strain on their developing bodies. While exercise is, of course, vital to physical health, too much of anything can stress young joints and growing limbs. I see a lot of repetitive strain injury and playing a different sport – be it martial arts or something else – will help by using different muscle groups. Plus, cross training is great at any age.
  2. Learning from another sport. Lily started playing basketball during the last two winters and I can already see how much she benefits from the experience. It has taught her new and different elements that she’s applied to soccer – the quick passing and moving up the court, for example, translate perfectly to indoor soccer. With karate, the exceptional level of fine motor control required could help your daughter with some of the smaller movements in soccer – dribbling, cutting and balance, for instance. The greater her range of knowledge, the better athlete she’ll become, no matter the sport.
  3. Mental health. It requires a lot of time, practice and commitment to play sports these days, so taking a breather can keep everything fresh. At the most basic level, just being excited to see your coaches and teammates again after a hiatus can be the difference between the thrill of competition or the slog of exhaustion. Also, it’s important to hear from a new coach who teaches with a new method – and to exercise your brain in a different way. In martial arts, for example, there’s a huge emphasis on focusing and slowing down the mind in order to accelerate reaction times. If that’s not helpful on the soccer field, I don’t know what is!

All that said, it’s still crucial to keep up the basic skills of the primary sport. Lily keeps a toe into soccer during the winter in the form of practices, indoor tournaments and, when she can, some technical training. It means that when she rejoins her team, she doesn’t have to start from scratch. But I can’t reiterate it more: As long as you don’t check out completely, don’t be afraid to take that break!

Coach Andy: My kid can’t handle losing

What do I do?

My kid can’t handle losing – how can I teach him/her to deal with disappointment on the field?
My son moping after a tough loss.
My son moping after a tough loss.

Coach Andy Says:

I am going through the same thing! My son’s team is having a rough season. After a really successful year, they moved up to a tougher division and now they’re losing regularly. There are tears and yes, anger, after games. Sure, the coach will give them some words of encouragement to try to buck them up, but generally, I’m just left with an upset child.

I know the common response parents are supposed to give is along the lines of “I just love to see you play,” but frankly, I think parents can do better than that. Remember, kids are smart and intuitive and they’ll know when you’re being honest with them or not. Here are a few pointers on how to handle it.

  1. Don’t sugarcoat a loss. Losing is no fun and not acknowledging that fact is a sure-fire way to make your kid angry. They are most likely tired and frustrated after a loss, so be empathetic. You can stay quiet and just give them a hug. Or, if you want to say something, make it believable, like, “Wow, that was a rough game.”
  2. Allow venting but not finger pointing. It’s important to follow your child’s lead. If they want to vent, let them. But oftentimes, a child’s effort to explain a difficult loss can too quickly turn into a blame-game of teammates, coaches and referees. This is not useful. If your son or daughter starts to blame others, it’s appropriate to remind them that a team wins and loses together, and that while no one person can win a game, no one person can lose it, either. If you have coaching criticisms, keep them to yourself or discuss them privately. Most likely, your child will return to that team and coach, and you will be undermining that all-important child-coach relationship.
  3. Don’t try to fix everything. While painful at times, losing is an opportunity to learn. If your child is pensive after the game, you could always ask him to break down what he thought he did well, and what he thought he could do better next time. Disappointment is a part of playing any sport, and oftentimes, in the long run, the sting of a tough loss leads to much greater improvement than an easy win.
  4. Give it time. As a coach, I like to enforce the “24-hour rule,” which means win or lose, I try not to talk about the game too much with the parents or my son or daughter for a day or so. Letting time go by and moving on with your non-sporting life is a foolproof way to put things in perspective. You’ll also be amazed to see that maybe your child – who seemed so inconsolable after the game – has moved onto other things and is eager to play again.

Coach Andy: Kid Injuries

What do I do?

My kid got injured and can’t play! She’s moping around like she’s just been given a death sentence. How do I keep her happy while she has to sit out?
Our star striker Abby putting on a brave face as she gets her cast applied following a nasty wrist fracture.
Our star striker Abby putting on a brave face as she gets her cast applied following a nasty wrist fracture.

 

Coach Andy says:

Remember, getting injured can feel like the end of the world, but it doesn’t have to be.

At the very start of the season our star striker Abby (a total mini-Messi) was pushed and fell, sustaining a buckle fracture of her left wrist. The injury left her in a cast for four weeks. Not only was it a huge loss to our team, I know it was a tough time for Abby because that meant four weeks of missing out on inside jokes, four weeks of not seeing her teammates and buddies as much, and four weeks of feeling lost, bored and even a bit scared for her fitness – or even, gulp, worrying if she would be losing her starting spot on the team!

Unfortunately Abby isn’t alone. Loads of kids get hurt playing sports each year and have to miss part or even all of a season. But thankfully, Abby’s parents did a great job of keeping her connected with the team. This was crucial: Not only is it important to help your kid heal, but also try to make sure he or she stays involved in whatever way possible.

Abby's teammate gathering around to sign her cast.
Abby’s teammate gathering around to sign her cast.

Here are three easy tips to help keep your kid in the game, even from the sidelines.

  1. Stay connected. Try to attend as many games or meets as you can. Sitting with your team on the sidelines will not only signal your commitment to your teammates, it can also help you learn. Watching from the bench provides a very different view – and studying what’s going right and what’s going wrong on the field will make you a much better player. The same thing goes for practices. Try to be there when you can. It means you’re still just as much a part of the team as before your injury and it will make coming back that much easier since you’ll know the drills and the jokes.
  2. Keep sharp. In Abby’s case, the doctor nixed contact play but she was allowed to kick the ball around on her own. She was able to practice her skills against a wall and even in low-key one-on-one sessions. If your doctor allows you to join in safely then lace up! It’s important to keep in shape and keep your skills sharp.
  3. Enjoy the break. This might sound like a contradiction to what I’ve just said, but seasons can be long and intense – and there’s nothing wrong with taking time to enjoy some of the things you give up to be on a team. Yes, go to practices and games, but if the extra time means you can read for fun or catch a movie with other friends you don’t see that much, it’s fine to enjoy a break. In fact, you might be more fresh and excited than ever to get back out there.

 

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